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God Bless You, America’s Besieged Swing State Voters
Political campaigns are insufferable acts of negativity waged by two parties despised by most Americans.
To the good people of Philadelphia—
I had a blast in your fine town this past weekend. Fishtown rules and Johnny Brenda’s is easily one of the best rock clubs in the country. Although the Phillies lost, your fans maintained their spirits and shrugged it off in eager anticipation of three games at home.
But my heart goes out to you this election cycle. The never-ending pain and stupidity of living in a state with genuinely competitive elections must wear down even the toughest Philly diehards. October is baseball season for those towns lucky enough to still be in the hunt. It’s also election season in one of the most politically important states in the country. This means grim and depressing stuff for you unfortunately.
Life in Philly “ain’t all sunshine and rainbows”. It’s not a total hellscape either. Yet you sure wouldn’t know it listening to the people running for office in Pennsylvania.
Spending a few hours pre-game in a hearty German beer garden, the television advertising alternated between people having fun on the open road, secure in their deodorant and insurance company choices, and a nonstop litany of political negativity: criminals on the street, child rapists, snakes, corruption, open borders, women in jail, families going broke.
Holy smokes! Armageddon on the Delaware.
It’s not your fault. Political campaigning is one hundred percent negative these days—on the billboards, on the radio, on the television, in your social media feed. And the admirable people of Philadelphia are on the receiving end of mind-bludgeoning nonsense designed to make you VERY ANGRY at the other side but instead probably makes you laugh and say screw all these guys. The dim bulbs gumming up your World Series games with asinine ads all think alike:
Consultant: We need to cut another ad on abortion and extremism (D)/crime and immigration (R) to motivate the base.
Candidate: But voters care most about the economy and inflation. Maybe we should say something about what we want to do.
Consultant: You don’t have an economic agenda.
Candidate: Okay. I’ll go to a diner and pretend to like the Phillies.
Apparently, no one running for elected office in your state has any concrete ideas for helping you out in tight economic times. If they do, they are keeping it a state secret as they try to scare you into the voting booth. That’s American politics today—a parade of diversionary tactics masquerading as a high-minded defense of democracy and the American way.
Fortunately, the wise denizens of Philadelphia are too seasoned to fall for this con. They are out rooting for their actual team and giving the one-finger salute to the political class.
God bless you all for keeping us sane in another crazy election season. We're all Phillies fans now.